Monday, December 14, 2009

day of rest

saturday the day of rest

some days you awake and just assume everything will be as it is.
the monkeys howl at 5am, the sun peaks through the bird of paradise around 5:30, the quick to rise husband starts the coffee at 6am and by 7 your day begins.

yet some days you wake and think maybe i’ll start this day as i choose. i’ll make the coffee, i’ll add to my journal, i’ll rebuild the compost, and as a day of rest unfolds so does life itself.

after the warmth of a morning cup of costa rican coffee and the fulfillment of knowing you have no need to go farther than the hammock on the front porch you begin to set into saturday, the day of rest.

resting and being brings about so much discovery and self realization. as you take the time to just be, really enjoying each sip and taking each breath the body and mind embrace the fact that going nowhere means you are going to go all over within this day.

as the sun shines through the banana trees and the mind begins to take over the peaceful moment thoughts arise and so do life. crossing the road of newly flattened rocks arises a beautiful, thick yet slender, powerful yet poised boa constrictor.

now i tend to think of myself as small yet mighty, however watching a creature on ground double the length of my body and at least if not bigger than the size of my thigh, i begin to think.....can this be a day of rest? could he/she boa not simply rest in his/her tree and leave me to my hammock, day dreams, meditations, and rest? yet as a wave crashes and the white wash lets you know it was there the head pushed forward and the tail came graciously behind. watching such a large methodical creature was as if seeing an alligator in slow motion and feeling it’s thought process before, during and after it’s movements.

needless to say the first cup of morning coffee is chilly but the body is warm and energized at this point. and though a day of rest never calls for getting out of what you wake up in, i began to realize that our national geographic front yard was calling attention from all who pasted by and it may be best to keep the highlight on the boa rather than the partially dressed wife. not wanting to miss a thing i run to find more clothing and realize as i return, that my friend the boa came to teach me a lesson.

you see as i rushed and quickly returned, there was no change, took his time and did his best to plan and prepare for what was going to be his new resting spot. you see his presence let me see and understand that change is constant yet during the process one must take deep breaths and enjoy the journey. surely he’d only made it across a dirt road,from our observations, yet you could see that was not important. it’s not where he was coming from, or where he was going....but who he was. should you ever have a day to watch a boa (pardon my french- a big ass boa) in your front yard you realize they are amazing and almost intimately inspiring creatures. they don’t wish for alot of attention, rather simply keep to what they are and who they are. they breathe such life and pass such a strong energy of peace, with each muscular movement of strength only meant to sustain life and be comfortable in their found habitat.

back in the hammock, another fresh cup of coffee i find myself happy with my encounter of my friend buena the boa. his presence made more sense than i had imagined. at first i thought i’d rather him stay hidden away so i would not have to realize that i’m sharing this jungle with so many creatures however i who you are---where you are---be your best---be strong---don’t take it personal when others don’t embrace you--just keep pushing or sliding through, for life is ahead and yet there is no path to just keep going.

Friday, August 21, 2009


Luna de miel....honey moon....oh how i hope to learn this concept in every language.

some words just feel good as they roll off you tongue...

dream catcher....atrapa suenos..... the future name of our sail boat....

Yet back to HONEY MOON.

You see most seek that week of pure bliss, indulging in every free cocktail and buffet, or the best resort on the most secluded island. yet for me i see something different.
bare with me as i tend to over analyze just about everything.

HONEY. a beautiful, sweet, syrup like consistancy that comes from the hive of bees. honey is not made in a day or a week, but rather a swarm of bees take pride in creating and maintaining a hive in order to please the queen bee.

MOON. a ever present light in the sky. with each day and month a change from full, to new, to crescent. always there to observe, women again have a strong connection to the cycle of the moon, and throughout the world different celebrations happen on the full moon or even more extravagant on a lunar eclipse.

so now think- honeymoon. HONEY and MOON.

why has this ever been promoted as a a a small amount of time to feel sweet and special.

honey is made through a process, with team work, and a natural process of life.

moon is there. each night. whatever happens in the day you know you can rely on the moon being available and illuminating the night sky.

so you see i have a new theory- honeymoon is something that must be a natural process that is always present. just having spent two nights in an amazing resort with my husband of 4 months i can completely understand the marketing scheme and the purpose of taking time to be away from everything. i won’t for one minute pretend i didn’t enjoy saying a room # and having no idea the price of the amazing cocktail i was slurping down.

let me just say the mission-keep it real and natural (honey over sugar) and keep it realistic and consistent (lunar calendar over simply a calendar of to do lists)

life passes so quickly. each day with a sunrise and a sunset you choose to make it what it is. so choose to do something sweet. choose to do something solid. whether your newly wed, best friend or parent- make life a honeymoon.....for it is SO!

There is no reason that a marriage shouldn’t be called a honeymoon. why has something so long and solid as marriage lead people to think such an array of thoughts, both confusing and contradicting? I refuse it.

Honey is not an easy process, yet it’s made. Sometimes through the clouds you can’t see the moon,yet it is always there. either way with effort, consistency and commitment the sweetness is at the lick of your lips and the solid light is there to lead you down the right path.

to a long life of honeymooning....

Sunday, August 9, 2009

nicaragua and unpredictable


so just think about the word. does it entice you or scare you. now really think. each day what are the moments or parts of the day that are completely unpredictable?

you see i think i have finally grasp the social aspect behind why the mcdonalds franchise is all over the world and why it is that starbucks always seems to have line out the door. it’s predictable. you know what you want. you get it. plain and simple. people like it. or marketing gurus will claim they are “lovin’ it”

so take inventory. what is unpredictable for you? daily? weekly? monthly? have we not formed and or become formed to such a structured society that what you know is what you get? as long as you know the lingo for your non fat soy (tall!~right? i always say medium to get a rise) latte...then you’re ready to go. know what you want and it will be ready presto even with your name on it....seriously what service.

yet what about those new to it all? maybe i don’t know what it is exactly what i want. can i try a latte? have an explanation of a frappicinno? what’s the big deal about a value meal. already i feel the people behind me breathing down my neck.

so what happens when you take away the predictability?

for me i’ve come to realize there are pros and cons, or rather learning curves. you see at first their is a rush of excitement for such different choices....of course beyond a drink or a burger....but we’ll keep with those for an analogy......yet with time you realize how very limited those choices have become. though you begin to feel a sense of connection to what it is you want or desire it never ends up the same. hence the variety may not be as wide and still you just never know what you’re going to get.

predictable is solid and yet now i feel it is almost taken for granted. for instance at any minute i could loose power here “just because”, now i don’t dare predict it, as it’s never quiet the convenience as it just happens. yet no one skips a beat. no one’s blood pressure rises, no one tenses, and it just is. unpredictable. thought to be “uncontrollable” so you just keep going about. if it requires power than that action is put on hold. and can you believe it goes on.

now of course there are solutions. and believe me coming from predictable it takes some adaptation to not trying and solve everything. yet i have to say i love the common sense of embracing the unpredictable, almost to a point where i realize why fix it? can we not enjoy something that we didn’t expect?

then let’s also be real ---the other predictable part can’t hide for too long. after all it was raised within you. you come to crave what you know is good and solid. you find the place for the best cup of coffee, you know after experimentation what you can and can’t eat, and you learn to carry an umbrella and never expect a ride.

yet all those can’t beat the constant change in everything that seems so unpredictable. each day brings about something new, and yet i have to believe as we all look closer the same naturally surrounds you!

from the massive tide, the group of weekly monkeys, the wild lighting storms, the non stop down pour of rain or burning sun, the available local fresh produce, the guy that gives you the such needed ride, the hope for the phone to work, the goal to make it into town, the wonder of receiving mail, the desire for a planned solid meal, the inquiry for help with a bicycle repair, the desire for hot water to wash clothes, the unknown new friend that accompanies your day, the bright new phrase or word that you learn, the breakthrough of conversation, the “typical” meal that you eat, the money that you earn, the new gravel road that you travel, the influx of tourists into town, the new eye contact of a stranger, the unknown exploration of the jungle, the challenge of paying a bill without a bill or local bank account, the mission to start a project without a system to follow, the hope that you’re around when the phone rings to answer, the careful walking to get the eggs home safely, the new feeling that arises as you awake each day, the satisfaction when the streets are wet, the amazement of stumbling upon a horse on your beach path or a cow in your driveway, the random smell from your dog who has been exploring, the spontaneity to get a haircut because the one parlor has an open seat, the refreshing taste of a glass soda if the bottles have arrived back full, the simplicity of a coconut falling to break your trail, the unexpected not being able to cross the boarder into nicaragua because your passport expires in six months!? i’m sorry i thought at least an expiration date was predictable-november 2009....yet nope unpredictable once again!?

though unpredictable it is just living. everyone simply is just being. and though structures can be in place it seems predictability escapes out the window.

from a margarita pizza with cheese and tomato sauce...not too hard an electric outlet just never know. expectations can leave you disappointed and yet without knowing you can find yourself SO very pleasantly surprised.

let me also add here that the sunsets at 6pm, so after a very unpredictable day. you can predict to retire as soon as the lights are out. whether you embrace prediction and go for the cheap glass of wine or simply embrace what happens after the dark fills the night- the sun is one you can count on...and like to admit it or not, it brings a nice bit of structure to the beginning and end of each day. for though you may not know anything, and it is usually better not to make an can count on the sun rays giving you a rest after 6pm and by 9pm the orchestra of waves, insects, and wind are there to greet you or rock you to sleep.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

New Company

Sitting with Coleman on the beach, an overcast day. Rain will pour down at any moment as we await our daily shower. So refreshing to just sit-ocean breeze, sound of the tree limbs whistling, a solo bird gliding above, wind cleansing with each breath, not a soul in sight and yet more energy and life than words can describe.

Each day I come to appreciate the sights and sounds that I know for so long I’ve simply overlooked. After a night at work, I came to an evening of recognition. Here in the peace and solitude the mind is on it’s own journey. With no tv or technology to “quiet” the my mind after an evening shift it is silence and solitude that fill in. Now not having hung out with them in a while it’s a strange new company these guys. Rather than the long life friends of distraction and mindlessness that use to await me as I’d unwind from work, there is a new simple interaction.

A chance at the end of the evening to just be present. No voids to fill. No screen to watch. Rather just your five basic senses to bring about a show of life that is constantly performing around you. Of course I’ve looked for my old pals, for distraction is easy enough to find if you simply pick up a book and enter into a new scenario by following words you’re immediately out of your own mind of thoughts. Yet I’ve come to realize it’s time to give these new friends a chance. They keep knocking at the door and rather than avoid them the company of oneself must be explored, reunited, and essentially a friendship rekindled.

Without the distraction of mindlessness you come to embrace being mindful. My understanding of meditation is completely redefined. As if all this time I had been looking up the wrong definition. Meditation or mindfulness is not just a fad, an end to a good yoga class, and Indian tradition, a loners solitude.....rather it is that time you take to be with the one person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with--your good old self.

AMAZING how fast and sporadic the mind works as it sits with its self and trys to decompress and slow down. Like a car that idles too high in neutral, a lazy dog panting in the shade, a struggling child in the constraints of a high chair, an impatient customer waiting in line, hot kernels on oil popping with each heat wave, a busy train station with no schedules posted: as the mind races it all of the sudden wakes and has no direction, no sense of location and comes to feel overly exhausted and restless. Fighting through a struggle, then realizing it had no where else to why not just be. Yet who is with you through this happening, who or what is the stimulus allowing and bringing about such a mix of thoughts and emotions.....just you and your mind.

You see you almost want to stop and tell the impatient customer waiting is part of life, yet instead you must talk to yourself. If you haven’t done that in a while it may be a bit odd or even challenging.

A friend gave me probably the best piece of advice and insight before we left. He said very causally and simply “What is interesting in life is that everything is only as hard as you make it”.
It was as if I had seen a shooting star, a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, a winning lottery ticket. Why had no one put it so straight before. How is this phrase not on billboards on every public highway? Really and truly just think- EVERYTHING is only as hard as YOU make it. Once again you being mindful and responsible for you. Your actions, motivations, challenges, choices, crossroads, difficulties, new journeys, daily is all what YOU make it.

Through all the beauty, romance, natural paradise, and adventure even in Pura Vida land there have been days of confusion, doubt, deep loss, isolation, frustration and continplation. Yet through it all I can simply remind myself who is the leader of the tribe and realize the driving force and therefore my temple is protected and the battle not so hard. The mind comes to meet itself again and through a happy reunion you see serious growth and the formation of a strong solid friendship. For the hard times do pass and rainbows continue to form.

I know how easy it is to just be with good old distraction and mindlessness. Believe me I’ve missed them on more than a few occasions. If they were as easily accessible here I wouldn’t have had to deal with issues right away. Yet apparently those old friends are sitting somewhere laughing and enjoying as I come to know and appreciate my new company.

So as the rain comes and the sun shines I find myself so at ease. Simply hearing the birds chirping, the water drops tapping, the lizards running, the waves crashing, the squirrels jumping, the mind slowing, the five senses awaking, and just being.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

my best friend

i believe i’ve come to overstand the definition of a best friend.

beyond the good times, endless talks, new experience, deep feelings..a best friend is a simple connection to a sense of divinity, a sense that without words you are truly understood. the point is that your best friend is not there for advice, direction, or even input, rather they are there. the one soul that reaches deep within you and you find yourself feeling more upbeat and more centered just by their presence.

i am also coming to understand that i’m blessed to have so many souls of this description enter my life. with an open heart it is amazing the variety of beats that life seems to drum up and all the different rhythms that seem to naturally shake your tail.

brady love anderson. june first two thousand and nine. mal pais, costa rica.
the one drummer that was always on my exact same beat.

a friend once gave me a quote that has been an inspiration and now remains a dedication to live by...
“Dear God, Please help me to be the person my dog thinks I am”

the eyes of a completely open heart, of unconditional love, and full admiration are the eyes that at this very moment i long to see. brady love had that middle name given to him from the moment i met him, till the moment i spread soil over his resting place, til the moment i tell my children of his legend. a best friend beyond words, always there.

as life continues to prove the energy that is created between beings, i realize that words mean less and feelings transpire so much more. anything that shakes your soul can simply not be described. it is simply overstood.

sixteen years of a shadow and sixteen years of a light.
leader and follower. friend and family. sidekick and frontier. adventure and stability. sleeping bag and hammock. ocean and river. hard times and good. constant and change. discovery and stagnant. history and future. sweat and tears. movement and stillness. familiar and unknown. challenge and complacency. gain and loss. fear and excitement. stumps and growth. new and old. song and dance.

for so long without knowing the music, the song and dance have naturally occurred. best friends complete the flow of life; helping to unfold each morning that awakes with a sense of security knowing you have a better half to lean on through it all. brady was such a large part of that bright light each morning. waking up to a head over heels in love husband and two loyal companions will make any woman feel she’s “standing on the moon”, unable to imagine anything less than that level of intimacy.

brady was and will always be my “home”. home has expanded since brady and i first met. finally a secure sense knowing that michael is “home” and my heart is safe. he left a month after walking me down the aisle. his job over all these years, was so well done. he was my heart, home and holistic family for sixteen years. with complete devotion, dedication, and dogma.

my prayer now is that i cultivate gratitude for all the beautiful souls that are in, have touched and continue to blossom within my life. after all the tears and a wrenched heart, i am filled with love for how much i connected with a being.

for this i come to understand that no words can describe the admiration, devotion, respect, sincerity, and amistad that is held for a best friend.

always there. no words needed. no physical presence needed. just an established unconditional love that will push you over any mountain and cross you over any stream.

thank you brady for all the years. your determination is my inspiration. all my love.

Friday, May 29, 2009

MORE is Less or LESS is MORE

everyone always says “less is more”
such a simple phrase that is now a common saying...and yet what is behind those three little words?
when packing less i still wanted one more shirt, one more book...yet i had so much less than when we had our 3 bedroom house full of so much more. how little is less i kept thinking? throw me a bone people i have 3 bags, and i’m still working for less? less has 4 letters and so does more, who made one better than the other? who decides what is less? why is the one thing i still find my self attached to considered “more”. i’m all about this “less thing” yet can i just bring along this one more??

after a week here and settling in it finally clicked.....the over used statement, “less is more”, finally had some real purpose and meaning. although i used it over and over again to encourage myself i never took time to think about it beyond the surface and i lacked the understanding of it’s true significance.......

more can be created and discovered by using and consuming less.

the more you put your mind to having less. the more that comes about.
when more of your surroundings are new and unknown, you have less to want and even need.
more time to think immediately equal less time to move throughout life in a fast unawake motion.
more appreciation and rediscovery of what you have enhances that feeling of wanting less.
more space to breathe and move about freely naturally keeps less coming into the house.
seems like more is conquering less, yet i’ve been pulling for her the whole time!

living in a new environment i am quickly learning how to create more out of less.

let’s use the example of trash.

there is so much MORE to trash. OK --anyone that knows me, knows i’m not afraid of another’s trash becoming another’s treasure- an old chair w/ some love can have a new home and so forth.
But back to the basics-less is more-and here trash is a real issue.
as many have to come to preach and teach you can almost eliminate all trash when you make it LESS.
here there is no garbage pick up, so quickly you think about how to use, recycle or put what you use right back into the earth. without trash pick up, recycling day, and compost bins from lowes.
yet isn’t that how it started? or did i forget to teach my third grade class about when the native americans had trash pick up days?
have we become so spoiled to convenience, that we assume we can do less and have more? why then is it just the “eco friendly” “hippies” “environmentalist” of the world are the ones who have caught on?
i’ll tell you there is no Sierra Club down here, we’re just in it together, because it is the circumstance. so by having less organization more is put on the individual.
yet i look at the states and within society we now have people making millions off the basic concept of being responsible for what you take and consume. people making more off of those not wanting to think about how to dispose less. it’s almost mind blowing.

of course this concept has been explored before leaving the states. i’d like to believe i’m a pretty conscious person. however w/ out someone coming each week to pick up your trash, recycling, just think...what could and would YOU do with the breakdown of your consumption??? i’d like to say i did my best to avoid adding to the landfills at home, but now i can say i’m again working again on ‘less is more’.

so to start the break down of putting less into a trash bag that has no more of a home than an unwanted mosquito.....

plastic is your worst enemy. and i can’t say i have any enemies. unless in a container shape that can be cut and reused as a planter, water pail, soap holder,etc. then the plastic just looms like a creepy guy in a bar you wish would stop staring at you. sure you make the best of it. think oh he’s had a tough life. so use him as a garbage bag, yet then there he is still staring at you. as time passes i don’t feel bad for him but rather think who thought plastic was a good idea? like who thinks it’s a good idea to keep serving a creepy drunk guy at the bar?

vegetables, fruit, organic matter oh...i can’t say enough good things... are your best friends. you wish they would always be around for the good company. You know they continue to enhance the life around you so you savor your time with them. the compost smiles like an old friend at a reunion knowing that every time a new person walks through the door and the party gets bigger...that the energy is only going to create more!

paper is like that solid work partner, it’s always going to be there and as long as you respect it and treat it right there will be a good balance. as time passes you learn so much more about your partner. what once seemed two dimensional and flat, changes as you have less around you more comes out about your partner paper. at times there to help you get things started and at others times simply there to encourage your creative spirit. amazing how much you discover when you don’t just assume it has no purpose or nothing to offer.

aluminum definitely looms and yet blooms. cans and tins have such a hidden beauty when put to a new use. aluminum is your friend from grade school that you see ten years later and looks like for a lack of better words a “knock out”. when covered and kept between the lines, not much is seen. but when revealed and used individually there is so much beauty. lighting up porches, growing gardens, resting paintbrushes, saving change, scooping food, it almost seems after all this time of knowing this person that now they can do just about anything.

glass here is like a sweet gem, a fragile god daughter, a sweet pea. though when in your possession you feel special, you know as you pass it on good things happen. most glass i should say is this special. you have a nice cold coca cola, enjoy every sip and then the pretty glass bottle goes right into a crate to protect her as she travels back to be filled up and bring about another smile to the next person that shares time with her. other glass i like to take just as much pride in by creating a candle holder, mosaic tiles, corking olive oil. there are however those unwanted bottles by the masses that get left out like stray dogs in the alley. those i’m working on, just as i wanted to bring home every stray or lonely pet, i’ve started a collection of the “random” glass that doesn’t have a special comfy spot in a crate. for those i aim to give attention and beauty.

less places to put things, less consumption, less trash =
more thought. more concern for mater. more creative recycling. more uses. more growth. more reusing. more organization. more self reliance. more collective understanding. more back to the basics. more appreciation. more awareness.

that’s that.
score card is for more!!! more is less. less is more.
not sure i’m choosing sides, but me and more are getting along just as well if not better than we were before i left.